How to find the inspiration to write?

How to find the inspiration to write when the only thing you know how to write about is pain and sorrow but you ARE finally happy with how things are going, thus you can’t seem to write anything, but the fact that you can’t write is giving you so much frustration that takes away your joy because you’re only good when you want to die, so what use are you when you don’t?

This is what turns into an exhausting and vicious cycle of relapse because I feel like I were useless any other way.

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